Uisge Beatha: the Water of Life
How the monk John Cor started whisky
“To Friar John Cor, by order of the King, eight bolls of malt to make aqua vitae” — so reads an entry in the Scottish Exchequer Rolls from about 1494–1495. It is the first written mention of distillation in Scotland. In plain terms, eight bolls is about 1.5 tonnes of barley, or around 2,400 bottles of distilled spirit. Natural, unrefined, strong and, let us be honest, even toxic. Still, the start was made.
From Aqua Vitae to Uisge Beatha
A distilled spirit is called Aqua Vitae in Latin — the Water of Life. In Old Irish this becomes Uisce beatha, from the words uisce (water) and bethu (life). Over time the Gaelic name evolved: uisce beatha → usquebaugh → and finally whiskey. Whisky, in short.
In those dark times alcohol was considered a medicine: it was used to prevent smallpox and scurvy, and as a rescue from colic. During Prohibition in the States whisky was sold strictly by prescription — so, a medicine indeed.
Ireland vs Scotland: who was first?
Ireland and Scotland still argue about who started making whisky first. One story says an enterprising Irish monk brought the “medicine” to the land of kilts. Another says the Scots raided Ireland by sea to stock up on the “living water”. Dig deeper and you will find a version in which the recipe was brought by monks from North Africa. Or that whisky was invented by Saint Patrick himself. A good toastmaster, no arguing with that.
Smuggling and laws
After the Act of Union of 1707 the English decided to take Scottish distilling under control. The result was predictable: smuggling became a way of life. In the early 19th century about 14,000 illegal stills were confiscated every year. By some estimates, more than half of all the whisky drunk in Scotland was smuggled.
To restore order, a whole pile of acts was passed: the Scotch Whisky Act 1988, the Scotch Whisky Order 1990, the Scotch Whisky Regulations 2009 and a couple of minor ones. A love of bureaucracy is something they are known for. But these papers set strict rules:
Single malt — made from water and malted barley, distilled twice in copper pot stills, strictly at one distillery. In Ireland, by the way, triple distillation is the custom.
Single grain — also from one distillery, but made from a mix of cereals. Malted barley is allowed, but it can be made without it.
Blended malt or blended grain — several distilleries have had a paw in the production.
Plain blended — a mix of grain and malt whisky. Johnnie Walker, Dewar’s and the other giants come from exactly this category.
How whisky is made
Malted barley is grain that has been allowed to sprout. It is tricked into thinking spring has arrived, then immediately dried with hot air (imitating summer — how fast time passes for a grain). Sometimes peat smoke is added — smoked grain, and it is scary to imagine how anyone came up with that. Then it is mixed with water to get the wort, fermented and distilled.
The distillate is aged in non-airtight oak casks, and other drinks must have been matured in them before — preferably sherry. The age counts only from the time in the cask. Once bottled, whisky does not age. That is, it does not change its properties — the author would like to be in such a bottle, he does not feel like aging.
Facts that impress
Single malt whisky stays liquid even at thirty degrees of frost. Checked by polar explorers at the South Pole. The drink is not only a medicine but also an excellent heater — just what you need when the shadows of the Others flicker outside and the Night King is breathing down your neck: “Winter is coming”.
A serving of whisky in Scottish bars is called a dram. The classic “three fingers from the bottom” is a good dram. Although at home people probably measure up to the rim of the glass. Probably a pizdatyi dram.
The moral
Ah, the weekend. The dream of working folk. There is never enough time for everything. So nothing gets done. Oh well. Better to have a good “dram-nap” until the weather outside starts to please. Or until it does not, which is no matter either.